Right On Time!

Hey hey hey!

I said three days, and here I am. I deserve a prize.  I want a cookie.  Or ten.  Or so.

I know, I'm pathetic.  But whatever.

I love this weather.  In New York City, it's been around 70 degrees Fahrenheit for a bit.  Spring is just starting, warm but with a breeze. I'd love it more if it was 85 degrees, like all the time.  Spring is great for creative fashion choices, but summer just feels so native.  I believe last time I said this post would be in list form and not a character rap sheet. So here we go:

Post Introductory Script: I think two posts are appropriate today.  One fun and sarcastic list (this post) and one more like the other posts.  The next one will be going up around 11:30 Eastern time, so I'll start writing right after the Mad Men premiere :D

Top 7 Most Common and Annoying Dialogues for a Busgirl

1. Why can't I order from you? What's busing?

So, just to be clear: A busgirl is not your waitress. She takes your drinks, picks up plates, make sure over the duration of your meal all of your napkin, vinegar, and extra amenity desires are satisfied.  In un-special cases, she is allowed to give your food and take your order if the waitress is busy.  The busgirl can get in big trouble from her supervisor for taking your order and not directing you to the waitress.

2. *gestures towards empty plate* Can we get all of this to-go?

Yes, you can take all of the heavy glass plates to-go.  Please don't make this joke.  Don't think you're original.  Anyone who has ever worked in the food industry has heard this a bazillion times.

3. Where's my usual waitress?  When did all these kids start working here?

Your usual waitress is one of two places: She is doing something else in the restaurant i.e. helping another customer, restocking etcetera or she is unable to work that day.  She will more than likely be happy to help you as soon as I take your drink order.  All these kids started working here when your oldie but goodie favorite cashiers, cooks, and whatnots retired, moved, or just quit.  I don't think it's any of your business where they went if your relationship wasn't personal enough that it did not go outside of the restaurant, and if it did go outside, I assure you, they would tell you. So ease your mind: the other people working here are just as competent or they would not have been hired.

4. Can I get a table for me and you? - or worse - *Gestures toward busgirl* Can I get her to-go?

These place second and third in the worst pick up lines I have ever heard. (First worst pick up line isn't busing related but it is "Do you have the time?" Girl: It's 3:08 "No, do you have the time to go on a date with me?") No girl is interested in a boy who uses cheap one liners in a such a serious manner.

5. How can you tell which one is Diet Coke and which one is regular?

I can tell because I arranged it on the tray I took it to you and I am delivering it you just after getting it from the fountain for you.  We can laugh about it, but the fact of the matter is yes, you do need half a brain for this job.  And as for whether or not I have that half a brain, you'll find out in a second because weirdly everyone can tell the difference between diet and regular Coke but no one can tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi.

6. Do they feed you here? -or- They let you eat here?

No, they just let me starve because in all the establishments that don't serve food, they don't let you have discounts or benefits for being employed there.  If a busgirl ever says she is not fed at the establishment she works at, you need to march up to her employer and yell at him/her and then report them to the federal Department of Labor.  I don't know if there's a law against it; all I know is there should be so people can stop asking.

7. *as I try to pick up empty plate* I'm not done with my plate yet. 

I have this one customer who literally will not let me touch his plate until he's decided it's done.  It can be completely clean of crumbs and he will grab it back from me.  I am not allowed to take his plate unless there isn't room for the next round of food or unless he's just left.  I understand OCD and that's not it; I have customers that have that neurosis and understand their issues and cater to their needs as best as possible.  This guy just doesn't want me to work there and quite literally glares me down until I move on to help someone else.  But he always comes on my unchanging shift.  I don't understand it.

So those are my gripes about busing.  Not the most thought provoking things but please think about them the next time you're in a restaurant and your busgirl looks a little down in the dumps.