It's really easy to misunderstand what other people want from you. Your parents might tell you all they want is for you to be happy, but then have a roadmap for how you will get there that has nothing to do with your own personal definition of happiness. Your friends will say things like, we'll still talk everyday after high school ends, and then high school ends leaving your phone with no texts from anyone you actually graduated with.
People might tell you they love you, but then have no intention of actually seeing you. Boys might tell you that you're adorable one minute, and then tell you how much they need a more stimulating act from you the next. Your boss might tell you that he will work around his schedule even though you know the schedule depends on you being able to work and run solely on caffeine, not sleep.
Then you need to sit down and figure out what you want to give and what you want from them. And then that whole thing is troublesome because how much is too much to ask for? How much do you really need anyway, and do you even have enough to give? Do you have all the energy you need, the emotional tolerance to deal with everyone else's battery? Do you have the time to be everything to everyone, everything to some people? Is it even worth it?
Which of course is the real question. What's worth doing, who is worth doing right, what will make you a little happy, someone else a little happy, and not be a total waste of time. Who is worth all the worry, all the love you have to give? Who isn't worth it, and should you give it anyway because it's the right thing to do, because it's worth it to help those who can't help themselves?
Sometime though, I find myself doing things I know for a fact are not worth it. And I know they're not worth it while I'm doing those things and I do them anyway. I know it's silly and weak.
I just love making a smile happen.
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