So yeah, that stuff I said about deferring a semester...

HAHAHA.

I actually thought my parents would let me go through with it.

It's funny, really. They think I'm mature enough to live on my own and pay my own bills, but not enough to make decisions about my education.

The hypocrisy of those who think they know better than everyone else never ceases to amaze me.

I'm only taking two classes, so it shouldn't be too exhausting. I'm trying to find a nice work-life-school balance. A balance I'm going to dump the second summer starts because I'm going to gun it.

I mean, I'm on academic probation. I'm pretty sure if I deferred they'd just kick me out anyway.

For 2015, I have only come up with two New Year's Resolutions: no boys, and just gun it. Based on my recent school disaster, you'd think that I was just terrible under pressure. That's false. Last semester I let myself sleep. I gave myself room to breathe. I tried to deal with my family's problems instead of focusing on myself. I can't change the things that go on at home, because like I realized before but didn't practice, I can't save people from themselves. They have to want to be better.

I can only fix my own individual problems. I very much would like to save myself. Nothing less than A's in both of the classes I'm taking, nothing less than A's in my classes for the rest of my life. I don't have room for anything less.

I asked my father for advice on saving up for tuition. You know what he told me? He told me, "When I was your age, I didn't save up. I just made lots of money."

Great advice, Dad.

But since I am apparently not as smart or as hardworking as my balling daddy, I'm going to have to find inventive ways to pay for college.

One of them being financial aid. Last year, I couldn't file because my parents wouldn't give me their information. I don't understand why, I don't know why. But for the first time I can file my taxes on my own, and therefore, don't need them to give up anything.

So I'm gunning it. No option for failure this time around. I'm going to bite the bullet and pray it doesn't enter my cranium and stop me from functioning completely. The rest of the year, and I have no choice in this, the rest of the year has to go exactly the way I'm planning it to.