When I was in the eighth grade, I started having issues with my schoolwork. I started handing in assignments late, not handing them in at all, and ditching test days. I even just handed in a blank test with my name on it once. My parents were very concerned. How could this be? My average was previously in the high nineties and now it was just all of a sudden going to have a 12 point drop?
My mother called the dean, because he'd been my English teacher the previous and had a prominent impact on who I am. I could speak volumes about him but he's not really what this story is about. He told me that everyone goes through their phases during adolescence, and it was good I was getting mine out of the way early. And then he said to me, "Never regret, only ambition."
I've lost faith in this a little bit this week. I've lived my whole life living forward but now all I want to do is turn back time. I'm making so many mistakes and so repeatedly. I've strayed from the few philosophies I have. I've caused harm to people other than myself, I haven't taken responsibility or action and I haven't moved to change any of the things that have happened or even to apologize.
I'm not mature. I'm not an adult. I'm a stupid kid. Oh look, there I go messing with another philosophy. I just made an excuse for myself. Not all of my problems are necessarily my fault, but isn't it my fault if there's nothing I can do to fix them?
Not that they are all so insolvable. Just the root problems seem to be without solution. The other problems are mere symptoms. They've been searching for the cure for AIDs for decades.
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