...yes, I'm still procrastinating. But I can never shut up on my pretty little blog.
I need a break from this town. It's full of old schools, old jobs, old boyfriends...it's just full of exes. Things I don't want to talk about anymore, things I don't want to see. Things I don't want to follow me around for the rest of my life.
I walk down the street and I can see the spot where I had my first kiss. I walk several blocks in the opposite direction and bam, my first job. I'd have to take a couple of buses to get to my elementary school, but my middle school and high school are within the mile.
Life is full of firsts and some of my happiest times were the ones where I wasn't thinking. The moments of spontaneity, of unadulterated easiness.
But some of my more recent spontaneous moments were moments I regret. Moments that I can't shake the memory of, moments that won't let me sleep.
Like the moment I decided one of my most influential mentors needed to be cut off. Despite all blood relation and responsibility for sperm that made me. That's definitely one that won't let me sleep. Or the moment I got a hickey that received some unwanted attention. That's definitely one I regret.
I used to really live in the moment. I really didn't care about what happened to me or what happened to the people around me. I was a total hedonist.
Now living forward has a different definition than living in the moment.
I wasn't happy when I lived so freely though. I was just extremely well distracted. Now my problems have strutted through my doorway--red feather boas and all--and are begging for my attention and dancing for my cash.
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